Client: Granite Bank is a 100+ year-old community bank

Description: This is a highlight from a customer-facing email sequence. The customer starts receiving the emails in this sequence once they’ve started the loan process with Granite Bank. I rewrote the emails and made them more warm, inviting, and user-friendly to give a good first impression of the bank and make the customer feel welcome.

I’ve included a before and after to show how I took the email from cold and bare-bones to warm and inviting.

Email 1 – Welcome

Before:

Natalie Rushing,

Thanks for getting started with us here at Granite Bank. The web portal provides many modern loan tools for your use.

Speaking of modern loan tools, don’t miss out on our mobile app. In it you can find a detailed mortgage calculator to check loan options.  Easily and securely scan and share documents using your phone. Plus follow the progress of your loan through the entire process.

Download the app and use the email address and password you set up for your web portal.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions.

Sincerely,

[loan officer’s name and contact info]

After:

SL: Thank you from (loan officer’s name)

Hi Natalie,

First off, I’d like to say welcome to Granite Bank! We’re excited to have you on board with us.

Your business means everything to us. I’d like to take a moment to introduce you to our core values and how those values help us better serve you:

Accessibility: Got a question? Please don’t hesitate to reach out! We believe in being there to support you throughout this entire process in any way we can. No question is too small.

Agility: We’re here to meet your needs, and we work with you to come up with flexible solutions when needed.

Family feel: We want you to feel right at home with us. Again–don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything!

Transparency: We don’t have any “secret sauce.” We believe in sharing our processes with you and keeping you informed at all times.

Empowerment: You’ve got this! We’re here to make the mortgage process less stressful and set you up for success.

Now on to the technical stuff:

Our web portal offers a range of modern tools to make your loan process smoother. 

But don’t forget to check out our mobile app! It’s got everything you need to keep moving forward—from a detailed mortgage calculator to secure document sharing. Plus, you can track your loan’s progress every step of the way.

Download the app and log in using the same email address and password you set up for your web portal.

And remember, you can always contact me with questions.

I look forward to working with you!

[Loan Officer’s name and contact info]